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* * * ( added July 2011) Mary's mom failed arithmetic. * * * Love is a strange kind of mathematics: one moment of carelessness and 1 1 = 3. Both are prominent on college campuses, and are usually practiced indoors. Most people wish they knew more about both subjects. Both involve long and hard problems, and can produce interesting topology and geometry. Both merit undivided attention, but mathematicians are prone to think about one while doing the other. Saint Augustine was hostile to both, and Alan Turing took an unusual approach to both. Both typically begin with a lot of hard work and end with a great but brief reward. Professionals are generally viewed with suspicion, and most do not earn high pay. * * * Top Ten Things That Math and Sex Have in Common 10. * * * Math is like love — a simple idea but it can get complicated. * * * Math Problem: A mother is 21 years older than her son.

* * * During a lecture to his students, a military instructor says, "There is a 40% chance that we will hit our target." One student asks, "What happens if we aim away from the target? He says "If we try to hit a B-52 with this missile, the probability of success is 5%." A math student asks: "What if we try to miss?

* * * Question: How many analysts does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer: Three: One to prove existence, one to prove uniqueness and one to derive a nonconstructive algorithm to do it.

* * * ( added December 2017) Teacher: —I keep telling my students that one half can't be larger or smaller than the other. * * * ( added March 2016) —Honey, we are like two parallel lines. * * * ( added March 2016) —Which is the odd one out: one, three, six, seven? * * * ( added March 2016) When I am with you, I solve integrals in my head, so that blood can come back to my brain.

* * * ( added March 2016) There are two kinds of people in this world: Those that can extrapolate from incomplete data.

* * * Any curve going around your boss is shorter than a straight line passing him. * * * A colonel teaches air defence at Moscow State University, Math Department.

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